AM I?

Hey there!

Been 1 year and 2 since the last time I wrote something. Back to now, I would like to say something.

I'm in a middle of hoping, praying that my life would become like how other christian families live. Got a better life. Got companions. Got their families to their rescue.

Things are really different for me. The world I'm moving isn't like theirs. Or perhaps, the story God has for me is just different from the others.

To live alone is scary. To survive alone is scary. The people I love started to drift away. Others have just drifted away. And I'm on a box, asking myself, "maybe I'm not good at keeping people." "Maybe, I am meant to be alone."

But I want to believe, it's not what God has prepared for me. I have in my heart the glimpse of hope that it's not what God has in store for me. He loves me. So He doesn't want this also.

But why? Why am I alone? I don't have my family with me. My best friend has abandoned me. My close friend has left me. Am I not good at keeping people? Am I? Am I that worse than a lion in the desert? Alone in the wilderness? People, even all the other animals are afraid of him. Am I worse than that? It kills me inside. I'm hanging on the thread.

But I want to believe, there is something more than this. There is a better place for me in this world. And if not in this world, perhaps in heaven.

Perhaps.

- IAM