I have a friend, but he never seemed to warm up to me. He would just greet me and act cordial enough. Yet, he kept a distance. I just could not understand that. Before he acted strange, we were so closed and been a prayer-buddy. In fact, I call him best friend. He called me best friend. I always went out of my way just to win him and his approval. Give him presents and encourage him. But then, it always ended up in keeping a distance from me. I can't even forget the time, it was November 30, 2014, when we attended a thanksgiving party in one of his father's flocks. I was sitting beside him. But he even couldn't talk to me just the way how he talk to my other churchmate friends. And it really puzzled my mind and it blown up my heart. But I kept myself quiet as if it's not happening. As minutes go by, when I tend to walk to someone, one of my churchmate took my place and sit on my chair. And when I turned around to going back to my seat, I felt embarassed that I don't even know where to sit to. Acted cordially, he offered me his chair. Awkwardly, I sit on it and he sit beside me still. But not long enough, he stood up and left his chair, not even saying something to me. Felt so hurt that I wish I could hide myself on under the bottle cup and cry. Yet, I made up my mind that moment and told myself, "Irish, you shouldn't cry. You should not!" I've been pulling my tears up and stretch my lips wide, fighting to feel good and better. I ate our lunch together in a group, but it feels like I'm eating my heart's heaviness. Then I made up my mind once again, seeing those delicious food in my table and said to myself, "I will not entertain this hurt. But I will enjoy my food." That's not gonna be easy. But I just did. I enjoyed my food and enjoyed the rest of the time I had that day. And before the day end, I found him talking to me, chitchating with me.
See how things turned around? We may not be like that always, talking as if we're not holding something in our hearts, but I found a secret to keeping things that matter. I have enjoyed my meals and had greater joy than hurt feelings on that day.
I have learned some statistics on friendship. Researches found that 25% of the people you meet will not like you. The next 25% won't like you but could be persuaded to. Another 25% will like you but could be persuaded not to. And the final 25% will like you and stand by you no matter what.
If you take those to heart, you should feel free of any acceptance anxiety. Just realize that some people won't like you no matter what you do. If only I have understood such statistics before, I wouldn't have wasted my heart, effort and time trying so hard to him over. And I know now where my best friend belongs. Maybe he's among those 25% who will like me but could be persuaded not to, or he's among those 25% who do not like me, whatever it is, I have already decided what to keep. And that is to keep what matters.
In this life, we may have people who are among those 25% who would not like you, but don't waste time and energy to win them, cause you couldn't persuade them to. Remember, you still have 25% who like you and stand by you. And all you gonna do is "keep them".
